Your non–profit organization No More Tears (NMT) works for abused women, what do you have to say about the brutal rapes of Nirbhaya and a five-year-old girl in New Delhi recently?
Corruption, lack of education and a significant void of consequences for those that commit these crimes are prime reasons. The incidents are not new occurrences; many go unreported. Unfortunately, things will not change unless strict laws become a norm in society.
What could be the cause of such atrocities against women – accessibility to porn or repression leading to perversion?
No. A lack of respect for girls/women in our culture plays a key role in encouraging criminals. Society walks around without a moral compass and enhances brutalities against the weak.
Is abuse of women all pervasive, no matter how modern or educated the society is?
Unfortunately, yes. However, in the USA, we have accountability and justice. In South Asia, it’s more difficult to attain justice due to corrupt law enforcement officials, politicians and bribery. When one is fully aware he can get away after committing a crime, there’s absolutely no deterrent whatsoever.
Your life has steered clear of the beaten path. What kind of a child were you?
I was an introverted kid, yet curious about everything. I was never content with the status quo and always wanted legitimate reasons why things were the way they were. My questions were usually unanswered due to the culture I was brought up in. I do recall once bringing a few Afghani girls home who were around my age, perhaps seven or eight years old. I saw them begging at a signal near my home and could not understand why they did not have food or shelter. In hindsight, it’s evident that social work is my calling.
What was the attraction that pulled you towards Hindi films?
It would be a combination of things considering we moved from Pakistan to the USA when I was nine. I enjoyed watching Hindi films in America as they were reminiscent of my life in Pakistan. It was not until I had watched Maine Pyar Kiya (1989) that I decided I had to be in the films to meet my first crush (Salman Khan). It was completely illogical of course but not too absurd considering I was only 15.
What’s the finest memory of your stint in films?
I can’t pick one. The experiences were diverse. Being able to travel and enjoy the hill stations like Ooty and Simla was one of my favourites. And, of course working with the likes of Om Puri, Jeetuji (Jeetendra), Govinda and others was phenomenal.
What’s the not-so-good memory that you have of the industry?
Similar to life anywhere, I had some bad experiences during my time in Bollywood too. Many of them were due to my immaturity and lack of guidance. I’d definitely do things differently if I were to relive the experience. My biggest drawback was the inability to differentiate between who I could trust and who I could not.
What made you quit the starry lifestyle and go back to academics?
I wouldn’t call it a ‘starry lifestyle’ as I was not really into any of that. I was a young girl with a crush and did something as bizarre as flying across the world to meet him. Having grown up wealthy, money was not a motivator and neither was becoming a big star. Thus in 2000, when my relationship was significantly fractured, I decided to head back home to the US. Once back home, I felt oblivious and uneducated. I had quit school at 15 to move to India. So I had to start from where I left off. Education was the only path that I knew would lead me to a substantial beginning.
What made you veer towards journalism –another offbeat move in your life?
I chose journalism because I’ve always wanted to learn about/from people. I was a curious child and grew up being a curious adult; more so because many of my queries as a child remained unanswered. I find life fascinating and love to learn from people and their experiences. It helps me grow intellectually and emotionally.
You studied film-making in New York and even made short films on teenage suicide, domestic violence and abortion. Why this empathy for the weak and confused?
The empathy is innate. That’s why only a few of us end up working in human rights or social work. This work is extremely draining and heavy. I listen to bad all day long but I enjoy the challenge of fixing the bad into an abuse free life for the victims. Additionally, I learnt that when one throws a pity party, there are not many in attendance. So rather than feeling sorry for myself after my break up, I dedicated my life towards helping others. This was perhaps the best decision of my life.
You have also been writing about the plight of rape victims Dr Shazia Khalid, Sonia Naz, and Mukhtaran Mai fighting for justice in Pakistan.
As a woman it is incumbent upon me to do something for women’s rights. I was exposed to tremendous abuse of women and girls in Pakistan and in India. I was wrong in thinking that this was limited to the uneducated and South Asia. Abuse is everywhere and has no prejudices. Complacency is not a way that I would like to live my life.
Even the most beautiful, rich and capable women go through abuse?
Absolutely! NMT has rescued numerous women from affluent homes. It is all about control and power. There are many components to why a woman can’t leave the abuser. The fear of being killed, being undocumented and afraid of being deported back to their country while the kids are born in the US, lack of financial support, lack of emotional support and above all, the stigma attached to being an abused woman.
What’s the one thing that a woman should never tolerate about a man?
It’s not limited only to men; I believe it works both ways. Disrespect is at the top of my list. Once there is disrespect, it is quite the slippery slope.
What’s been the finest achievement of NMT?
There have been so many. NMT has rescued to date 278 women and 620 children all of whom were physically and sexually abused. The biggest gratification is saving the children, thus stopping the cycle of abuse. It’s unbelievably satisfying to know that no one will hurt these women and children again. Also, the fact that all of 278 are safe and successful is a high like no other.
What’s been the most traumatic case you came across during your work for NMT?
That would be case number 277 for me; a woman from Haiti who was burnt by her husband from her chest down to her stomach. It was brutal. Also, the sexual abuse cases of my children are extremely hard to deal with. We had a five-year-old Russian girl who was sodomised by her own father. Unfortunately, every case comes with its grotesque idiosyncrasies.
Please share NMT’s synergy with So-Me creations…
So-Me Designs is a T-shirt line that funds the charity. Everytime someone buys a So-Me shirt, 100 percent of the proceeds from the sale go to NMT. Considering that no one at NMT is on a salary, not even myself, 100 percent goes towards the victims’ needs.
Reportedly, Salman Khan is helping No More Tears (NMT).
Salman has helped raise awareness about NMT in the past, about two years ago.
Do you ever regret giving up films? They say once an actor always an actor…
I would regret if that was why I came to India. Being in films was of no consequence to me. I had no interest whatsoever and it is quite evident in my films.
Having seen so much abuse as a consequence of your social work, has it somewhere made you wary of men?
Not of men but it has made me wary of human beings in general. When you hear so much bad all day long, you second guess when good comes your way.
Have you ever been in an abusive relationship?
No.
Any plans of getting married?
I have not met anyone whom I would be willing to marry as of now.
You’re one ex-girlfriend of Salman Khan who speaks highly of him. What’s that endearing facet about him?
He is honest and has always put others before himself.
Salman’s black buck imbroglio and the hit-and-run cases (2002) are coming up for hearing… Do you believe he has long been persecuted and now deserves to live in peace?
I do not have enough knowledge to comment on these cases.
Do you feel proud that after being initially dubbed as ‘Salman Khan’s girlfriend’, you have carved your own identity?
My intention was not to eliminate or create anything. I simply did what I needed to do to give myself a meaningful life. After leaving India and starting afresh things were difficult for me. I did not have the educational foundation because I dropped out of school in tenth grade. I’ve worked hard to get where I am today. Yes, I am proud because it was not easy at all.
Reportedly, you want to adopt a girl…
Yes, I definitely do. Ever since I was 16, I wanted to adopt a baby girl. I will adopt in a few years for sure.
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